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John Dowland/Getty ImagesIn the past two years, both of my sons have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The older one, a career class clown, tipped his hand when, in eighth grade, he addressed his math teacher as «sweet cheeks,» landing himself in the dean’s office for the third time in a week. My younger, age seven, was an easier call: He ran laps around the table during dinner, fidgeted with such vigor that he fell off his chair, and was so distracted when we walked down the street that he routinely failed to notice pedestrians, even oncoming cars. Their ADHD, I soon learned, is probably hereditary, as are 80 percent of cases. (The other 20 percent is largely accounted for by brain injury and other cognitive insults, like lead poisoning and fetal alchohol syndrome.) Factor in two different dadseach of my sons’ fathers is calm, measured, and highly competentand it becomes pretty clear whose DNA is at work. Still, I’d never even remotely considered that I might have ADHD. How could I have missed the acronym on the wall? — Continue Reading BelowFor one thing, it’s long been considered a uniquely childhood condition. Adult ADHD (or ADDthe terms are used interchangeably) only began to get public recognition in the mid-1990s when the book Driven to Distraction, by psychiatrists Edward Hallowell and John Ratey, became a best-seller. Scientific papers dating to the 1960s had suggested that hyperactive children were likely to have parents with the same symptoms, implying that the disorder did not necessarily disappear in adolescence. Back then it was known as «minimal brain dysfunction,» and though experts were looking at its attributes through a medical rather than a moral lensfor centuries, ADHD sufferers have been labeled as stupid, lazy, even touched by the devilthe name suggested dire abnormality.For another, I always thought ADHD revolved around two traitsdistraction and hyperactivityand neither seemed to apply to me. I was a seven-year-old who arranged her stuffed animals by height and in rows, as though posing them for a class picture. I was a 10-year-old whose hospital corners made it nearly impossible to squeeze between the sheets. I was a boarding school teen whose Pledge-drenched room was a stop on every admissions tour. And I am a mother who must admit to once color-coding an erasable calendar in an effort to streamline family schedules. My obsessiveness has, at times, made me quite usefulI’ve been flown cross-country on several occasions to help exorcise friends’ closets. But during periods of stress and depressionin the early months of separating from my first husband, for exampleit’s also felt like a curse, one that bewitches me into passing hours just plumping pillows and straightening chairs. Me? ADHD? I don’t think so. And yet, while standing in my basement one day staring at shelf after shelf of painstakingly boxed and labeled stuff, I finally got it. I realized that I had learned early and well to quiet my buzzing brain. Chaosthat supposed wellspring of creativityleaves me feeling overwhelmed and under siege. If I can’t put away, I pull away. I organize, therefore I am. — Continue Reading BelowSo I made an appointment with Hallowell, whom I sought out not only because he’s one of the most respected ADHD clinicians around, but also because his book had been my most meaningful guide as I researched my sons’ condition. He speaks from more than 25 years of experience treating both children and adults, but his interest is more personal than that. In 1981, while in a medical fellowship, he attended a lecture about ADHD and became convinced that he himself had the disorder. «It’s very powerful to understand that your brain is simply wired a certain way,» he says as I sit across from him in his Manhattan clinic (the flagship office is in Sudbury, Massachusetts). «To realize that it’s not about some moral failing. Most adults who discover they have ADHD have lived their whole lives thinking that something was wrong with them. It’s a huge burden. And it’s not about feeling some of the symptoms some of the time. It’s about the intensity, duration, and lasting impact of those symptoms as they relate to an entire life.» Adult ADHD is both complex and relatively common, affecting an estimated 11 million Americans, or 5 percent of the population. (To plug that number into the national switchboard of adult afflictions, roughly 7 percent suffer from asthma and 7 percent from depression.) The condition, classified as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, is divided into subtypes. You might be an «ADHD combined subtype» and display distractibility, impulsivity, and restlessnessreferred to as the «triad of symptoms» by Russell Barkley, research professor in the department of psychiatry at the SUNY Upstate Medical University in Syracuse, New York, and one of the most well-regarded ADHD researchers. Then again, you could be an «ADHD inattentive subtype,» appearing dreamy and distant; or an «ADHD hyperactive subtype,» which is to say, fidgety and impulsive. In school, you could very well have been the archetypal bubblehead, absentminded nerd, class cutup, or Tasmanian devil. But you all shared one defining ADHD trait: You could not, for the life of you, pay attention. — Continue Reading Below — Continue Reading Below Flash forward, say, 10 years after your high school graduation. You’re officially an adult, but there are still a bunch of basic things you’re not very good at. According to Barkley’s data, there are nine key symptoms of adult ADHD, any six of which, when they recur frequently, can determine a sound diagnosis: You are easily distractible; make decisions impulsively; have difficulty stopping activities when you should; start a project without reading or listening to directions; show poor follow-through on promises or commitments; have trouble doing things in their proper order; drive faster than others or, if a nondriver, have difficulty doing fun things quietly; have difficulty sustaining attention; and are challenged by organizing tasks and activities. Barkley’s list might sound laughably universal except for the fact that, during his extensive studies on adult ADHD, he tested for just one symptomdistractibilityand ruled out 98 percent of the «normal adult» control group.Given the broad, if vivid, strokes used to paint an ADHD diagnosis, it’s not surprising that Barkley’s researchers found little significant evidence that men experience the condition differently from women. But many clinicians disagree, having discovered that female sufferers are more prone than men to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, in part kerftabak , they theorize, because the disorder inhibits their ability to succeed both in the workplace and at home. This often reflects a lifelong sense of total incompetence in spheres modern society considers to be of equal importance. They feel forgetful, disorganized, and oversensitive while on the job; then they feel the same way when it comes to managing a relationship, parenting, and a household. «Having it all» feels more like «failing at it all.» — Continue Reading BelowMen who seek help, meanwhile, aren’t typically so emotionally undone by their affliction, viewing ADHD’s negative effect on such professional skills as organization, time management, and cooperation as hindrances to potential success, not proof of inevitable failure. Also, in their personal relationships, more men manifest the ADHD symptoms as risk-taking behavior. As one doctor described it, «I see the guys who wonder why they can only feel sexu-ally satisfied making love to a woman whose husband is practically outside the door.»In children, these gender differences count for a lot. Generally speaking, ADHD boys exhibit more hyperactive and disruptive traits, while girlsever mindful of being «good»learn to hide their symptoms behind a scrim of dreaminess. They are often «inattentive subtypes» who historically have slipped beneath the radar. ADHD may not have been a common diagnosis in the 1970s and ’80s, when I was a student, but had I been louder in my failings I’m quite sure I would have been singled outand possibly treatedfor some sort of behavioral problem. Still, the veritable attention deficit checklist dotting my junior high school report cards was never tallied as evidence of a potential disorder. The Greek chorus of my tween and teenage years? «Trouble controlling herself and sticking to the point…» «Careless errors in computation…» «At times, has a good command of the material; at others, she forgets that a concept was even discussed…» «Should be more alert and more attentive…» «Ability to follow directions is poor…» And so on, until finallyand perhaps unwittingly prescientthere is this remark: «Does not give her mind a chance to do its work well.» — Continue Reading Below — Continue Reading BelowWhere ADHD is concerned, giving one’s mind a chance to do its work well is tougher than my teachers could ever have imagined. Recently I heard an admissions director at a respected school for kids with learning difficulties refer to ADHD in girls as «a silent killer.» This seemed a little dramatic at the time, but then I read Barkley’s 500-page tome, ADHD in Adults: What the Science Says (not exactly a page-turnerespecially if you find it hard to concentrate on anything that isn’t the literary equivalent to Grand Theft Auto IV). By the book’s reckoning, there is no aspect of life untainted by the disease. Adult ADHD sufferers are more likely to function poorly in the workplace due to boredom or impolitic relationships with coworkers and supervisors; they’re more likely to be reckless in their driving; more likely not only to abuse substances but also to resist treatment; more prone to become obese and to die young of coronary artery disease, cancer, or accidental death on account of a taste for indulgent, high-risk lifestyles; and more likely to have a tough time managing finances due to a penchant for immediate gratification and failure to self-regulate. The traits that hit closest to home? As both spouses and parents, ADHD adults are more likely to experience and to cause marital and parental stress. It sounds like a send-up of those brain-spinning lists of side effects closing out a TV drug ad. But digging into the person I know myself to be, I recognize pieces of this prototypical ADHD train wreck. Impatient with institutional protocol and inept beyond measure at water-cooler banter, I’ve never done well in office settings. A descendant of alcoholics and chain-smokers, I’m conversant in myriad dialects of self-medication. There are occasions when I’ll do pretty much anythingjump off a high quarry ledge, initiate a ridiculous but stimulating fight with my husband, go on a deeply age-inappropriate benderto scare up a thrill. I’m bad with money; the queen of trivial marital discord; a loving, responsible, but embarrassingly immature mother; and a chronic depressive to boot. One of my biggest strengths? I hide weakness wellat least from those who don’t have to live with me. — Continue Reading BelowThough diagnosing ADHD is hardly an exact processas Hallowell says high quality prada replica handbags , «It’s not like there’s a blood test we can run»neuroscience has pinpointed several physiological differences in the brains of people with ADHD. Almost two decades ago, a study published in The New England Journal of Medicine showed differences in glucose metabolism in adult ADHD brains compared with their normal counterparts. Then, through magnetic resonance imaging, it was revealed that certain areas of the ADHD brain were smaller than in normal brains. More recently, the National Institute of Mental Health and McGill University weighed in with a study showing that, in childhood, people with ADHD experience a three-year delay in brain development. Psychiatric researchers compared brain scans taken over a decade from two groups of childrenone with ADHD, the other without. In kids with «normal» brains, the cerebral cortexthe outer wrapping of the brain that contains the neural circuitry responsible for conscious thoughtbegan to thin out around age seven, thereby allowing other parts of the brain to mature. But in the children with ADHD brains, the cerebral cortex didn’t change until they’d reached 10, and a marked delay in brain maturation was found in precisely the areas associated with attention and motor control. According to the pressthe story made it onto the front page of The New York Timeswhat this study proved was that ADHD was a «delay» and not a «deficit.» However, reading it as the mother of two ADHD kidsone of them exactly sevenI wasn’t sure how important this shift in terms really was. After all, a three-year learning gap can be devastating to a child of 10 if nothing has been done to help him or her learn differently. No matter what the research says, a delay becomes a deficit when no one picks up on the problem. — Continue Reading Below — Continue Reading BelowThen again, there is cause for optimism: Hallowell’s own success certainly points to the possibility that many negative aspects of the disease can be overcome. And he’s seen remarkable positive characteristics in his ADHD patients. Whether as entrepreneurs or poets, many of the those he’s treated for ADHD are highly creative and original thinkers. They look at life in an unusual way, resulting in a wacky sense of humor or the ability to take an innovative and unpredictable approach to pretty much anything. They’re resilient and persistent to the point of stubbornness. They are warm-hearted, generous, and highly empathic. And most mysterious of all, they possess keen intuition and a knack for seeing straight through to the heart of the matter.In Hallowell’s glass-half-full view, everyone from Robert Frost (a daydreamer who dropped out of college) to Thomas Edison (an Energizer Bunny capable of working round the clock for days on end) to Leonardo da Vinci (so famously lacking in follow-through that he finished only a known 17 paintings in 67 years) could well have been suffering from ADHD. Bonnie Cramond, director of the Torrance Center for Creati-vity and Talent Development at the University of Georgia, wrote a paper in 1995 arguing that many of the thousands of children diagnosed may just be highly creative. A simple reframing of terms sums up her main point. Distractible? Try dreamy or imaginative. Impulsive? Try bold or willing to take risks. Restless? Try energetic or full of ideas.Of course, as far as Barkley is concerned, this is self-deception of the worst kind. All pocket protectors and pessimism, he writes that the «claim that adults with ADHD are more intelligent, more creative, more `lateral’ in their thinking, more optimistic, more entrepreneurial, and better able to handle crises than those without the disorder» has no scientific support. Furthermore, it’s largely refuted by the studies he’s done. — Continue Reading BelowHow hopeless, exactly, should I feel? Hallowell offers some succor. «Some of the foremost ADHD researchers would say that I deal in false hope,» says the man I might be tempted to dismiss as a Pollyanna were I not so persuaded by the the audacity of his optimism. «I’d say that they deal in false despair. If you tell an adult they have a mental illness, you instill dejection. Why do that when you can use a responsible diagnosis of ADHD as a means of discovery, one that can alleviate a lifetime of poor self-esteem, shame, and depression?»The most hopeful finding in Barkley’s recent studies is his conclusion that 14 to 35 percent of people with ADHD are likely to outgrow their disorder by the time they reach adulthood. The estimated percentage depends on who’s being consulted (the patient or someone close to them) and on the fact that everyone has a subjective idea as to what «recovered» means. Also, paradoxically, adults who discover their ADHD later in life and seek treatment tend to be better educated and suffer fewer «achievement difficulties» than those diagnosed and treated in childhood, perhaps because they’ve developed compensatory skillsor simply because those motivated enough to get help may possess keen survi-val instincts. This may in part explain why not a single person I’ve ever known would say that I have ADHD. And yet in less than 25 minutes, Hallowell had me pegged as «a high-functioning woman with a history of childhood and adult ADHD» (though a full diagnostic workup takes much longer). The statement hit me hard, like pushing over a single domino and then watching the resta long, curving ribbon stretching back into my pastall fall into place. — Continue Reading Below — Continue Reading BelowClearly, without even being aware of it, I have implemented countless coping techniques to deal with a disorder I never knew I had. I work alone and on an extremely erratic schedule filled with stops and starts. I force an often obsessive vigilance on myself when it comes to controlling my surroundings. I have even been prescribed a small dose of Ritalinone of several stimulants that, if carefully monitored and taken with some form of therapy, can be highly effective in managing ADHD. Because Ritalin takes effect immediately and then leaves the system, I can use it when I need it, when I know that I can’t afford to lose a moment to distraction.Perhaps more importantly, though, I have decided to accept my myriad weaknessesall of which make sense to me now in a way they never did before. I know that I will forget names, dates, and numbers almost as soon as I have heard them; that I will lose my temper dramatically and often; that I will change plans on a dime; that I may not always be able to get something done when I want to; that, while remaining rock-solid in a crisis, I will crumple in the face of obstacles others hardly notice; and that I will occasionally go on near evangelical talking jags that would exhaust even the most patient parishioneror, in my case, husband, parent, friend, teenage son, or shrink.For me, acquiring a reasonable understanding of ADHDfirst my sons’, then my ownhas changed my life. To some degree, it has given me patience, a quality I am famous for not possessing. It has shown me who I am and how, for better or worse, I got this way. It has illuminated my past. And it has enabled me to take advantage of the multitude of aids that existincluding drugsto help me manage myself more effectively. I don’t think I’ve outgrown my ADHD; I’ve just unknowingly integrated it into a life that seems to work, more or less, for me. Had I known way back when what I know now, I’d likely be a very different person. More successful and mature, less volatile and insecure. Still, I’m glad I see it now. I’ve got half a lifetime to go, if I’m lucky. Why not plunge forward with eyes wide open?

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